my almost good day…

Had an almost good day today….

Went for my last day of CIP…. close to the end, it started raining cats and dogs so we could leave early… then went to town to meet chris…went to eat fish&co at wheellock cause that idiot hasn’t been there… then went to buy my slippers and a little something extra…

My god… it’s amazing how your family thinks you do everything on purpose… ok whether they do or do not, they sure make it sound like they do think that way. Yes, I deliberately failed my accounts paper… yeah, I know that my exam is coming up so I’m planning not to study. Fuck! I spent 5 years in secondary school failing… 2 years in ITE working hard, yeah, I’m really planning to fail in Poly. It’s a wonder how no one seemed to give a damn about me for the last 20 years and all of a sudden I’m getting ‘talks’ right, left and center in a month. All those years of being alone… why the sudden interest to step in… yeah yeah, I get that I’m being worried upon… thank you… thanks for letting me deal with all the shit in my life all these years and then decide to talk to me now. Maybe it’s because I seem EXTRA depressed of the suicidal rates…

so damn pissed…

all this stress and shit is draining me…

and they wonder why I keep going out…

geez… let me think…

I dread the next one week… i don’t want to stay at home… I don’t know how I am going to survive this week. What is it that they want from me? I am who I am… why don’t you guys understand…

FREAK!

What the FREAK!!!!!!!!!

I got my results for my last Accounts Ca… I fucking failed!!! Like badly!!! How the freaking hell did I fail Accounts!!!!! I am so bloody pissed!!! The amazing thing is that I passed both my Econs Cas… and too bad either I might add….. now the only thing left is my Stats… I told Da that if I passed my Stats she’ll get crab… I mean come on!! How in the freaking hell did I manage to pass econs and fail accounts!!

Although I don’t think I’ll pass my Stats… I think there’s something terribly wrong if I pass Stats and failed accounts…. *sigh*…. thankfully if I add both my CA1 and CA2, I still pass my accounts… cause I aced my first CA… AAARRrrrGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!

OK yeah, I’m just bitching my ass off…..

It’s thursday evening… adz should be flying off soon!!!!! Yippy!! She’s coming home!

I’m sorry… after everything you darlings are telling me, the support… the advice… being there no matter what… I’m just not listening… *sigh*…. you know I can take care of myself right??? well…. kinda… haha… love u guys… thank you…  

I Alone

it’s easier not to be wise

and measure these things by your brains

I sank into Eden with you

alone in the church by and by

I’ll read to you here, save your eyes

you’ll need them, your boat is at sea

your anchor is up, you’ve been swept away

and the greatest of teachers won’t hesitate

to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate

I alone love you

I alone tempt you

I alone love you

fear is not the end of this!

it’s easier not to be great

and measure these things by your eyes

we long to be here by his resolve

alone in the church by and by

to cradle the baby in space

and leave you there by yourself chained to fate

oh, now, we took it back too far,

only love can save us now,

all these riddles that you burn

all come runnin’ back to you,

all these rhythms that you hide

only love can save us now,

all these riddles that you burn yeah, yeah, yeah

original performance by Live
Rockstar SuperNova - Toby

Life goes on…

Life goes on… right now… my life is going no where… it has no direction… no goal… there’s nothing to look forward to… Home doesn’t feel like home… It’s only been a while but I can’t seem to remember how it feels to laugh and smile… to be happy. To feel safe… the feeling’s a stranger…

I have no drive to study any longer… I did some last minute studying on Monday for my stats test…. surprisingly I got quiet a bit down… spent like 5 hours mugging… well, the test didn’t seem that bad… but then again… you never know. I just hope I can pass… haha… that would be great cause then it would be the first time in 7 years I pass a math paper.

The exams are coming up… 3 weeks… my gosh… it’s a damn good thing I have only 3 papers… Stats is not including. Thank goodness.

Adz is coming back this Friday… I can’t wait… missed her so much…

Had Effective Communication today… my tutor said something about reverse physcology…. it got me thinking… thought of trying it… haha… but then again… I’m afraid I’d lose grip on what left I have. Yeah… I’m deluding myself…. probably… maybe… yeah I am. I’m just waiting… waiting till I’ve had enough… waiting till someone takes my hand and I walk away.

Love you bu….!!

Thanks kido!! Ya always my bitch!! 

Change of Layout…

I got a change in layout… haha…

So cool!!!! BUt I still have a few things to change…
I love it!!!! hahaha… you can change the background to your own preference…

Thanks Kelvin…!!!

my darlings

The Dearest people in my life…

Fish&Co with my darlings…

weekend…

Had the first half of my CIP yesterday… what a drag… I went there early and we ended up not doing anything… anyway, the sun came up and it started to get really hot. Think next week I can go there and get a tan…

Went to meet Bu… she bought ma prezzie!! Haha… I actually wanted to go home cause I had a headache but erm…. haha… yeah… anyway she got me a CRUMPLER!!! The Western Lawn… SOooooo love it!! Thank you bu!!  I now have a blue western lawn while she got herself a green one…

Went for a steam bath today… with shiatz… and I have a Stats test tmr!! AH!!!! so going to fail man…
*sigh*… honestly… what am I doing?? whatever… i’m just taking things as they come… until i finally wake up from my nightmare…