holiday… yeah!!

exams are over… the holidays are finally here…. keeping my fingers crossed… hopefully I can pass my econs… I couldn’t finish the darn paper and left out like 25marks!!! Yes, 25!!! My A is gone… GONE!!!!! AArrgghhh……. hopefully I can score on my FOM… Accounts… *sigh*….

Ok, so yesterday… bu, kang, gim and I went to meet andrew and roselinda… haha.. yeah… went to eat sushi tei… then watch ‘An American Haunting’… went home like 2am!! Cause we met pretty late… actually 7pm for dinner… Kang sent all of us home… thanks… thank you bu… for everything… I owe you BIG… thank you so much…

Chalet…. finally…. with shiatz… time to relax…. RELAX!! Been absolutely stressed so this is a chance for us to relax…. and anyway I’m starting work soon… hee… yes, I’m going to work…. at…? The Fullerton…. hee…. yup! Decided that I should go do something during my holiday instead of being lazy and plus I need to earn some money… maybe I might continue to work after school starts… need the money for another bank account and christmas!!! Gonna get a BIG pressie for bu….!! Sa just wants a book….. yeah…book!! Thought of giving bu a book voucher… from borders or kino… but she don’t want… then for shiatz…. aiyo…. no need… i bought her christmas present already…. maybe i’ll just get her something small.

*sigh*…. heads been hurting… pocket hurting… just so damn tired… things have gotten better… between shiatz n i…. mum n i… but i still feel so freaking stressed up… so tired and drained… it’s like all of sudden i don’t want to be in poly any longer… i mean the people are fine… studies are ok… needs improvement but nothing a little help can do… I just feel so tired…

thank you bu… for everything… know I’ve not been very easy the last few months…. not been excellent company… thank you… love you bu!!

exams…. life…

Had my FOM paper on tuesday… went pretty well actually… manage to answer all the questions… but that’s the scary thing… been hearing that the paper is really tough and that it pulls down the total grade… which was why sa adviced that I work hard to get an A for my projects… which I managed to do… now I just hope I’ll do well for my paper…

Then on Thursday… I had my accounts paper… oh my gosh…. I’m so afraid for that one… i managed to answer the questions and all but still… i did my second ca and felt that I could do ok but turned out…. *sigh*…. so freaked….

Have my last paper next week… friday… econs!!! Gonna start cracking!!

There are so many things… so many challenges we went through together… to be together… when i found who I was looking for… you were taken away from me… i let you go once… for so many things to happen…. to realise how much I love you… for you to realise how much you love me… y is it so hard for them to accept? It’d be fine if it was people we didn’t care about… but y must it be people that matter…? I love you… too much to just let it go…

How much longer… how much more pain… do we have to endure before we can look up at each other and smile again… Or will we never have that day….?

my weekend!

Ok, so this is my weekend…

Met shiatz for a while in the city… cause of the family dinner I had later that night I had to dress up a little… haha… n she kinda felt a little… what’s the word…? Odd…? No… uncomfortable that I dressed like that… hmmm….

before meeting the siblings and tom for dinner with the parents and dad’s client & family. We went to this place called ‘Andre Wine & Dine’ at Telok Ayer St… which is near Chinatown…. It ended up being one of those places whereby you pay heaps amount of money for a little portion of food. I mean the cheapest soup was like $8…. the mean course was an average of $20 to $30…. and the desert was an average of $9. Yeah…. imagine that…. and we all had a 3 course meal… 9 people… with white wine and like 4 people drinking coffee after the meal…. Imagine the bill!!!!!!!! Well, we didn’t get to see it course my dad’s client paid for it. (Pics will be up asap!)

Anyway, kinda felt a bit out of place… bored and hungry for like the first 30mins which felt like an hour….

Stupid me…. didn’t charge my phone… so I had to borrow lindajie’s hp during dinner… then when I went to meet bu later that night I went to borrow mum’s hp. Met… Bu, Kailing, andrew, gim, chan, hariz, arik and suren in town… went to catch a movie… ‘See No Evil’… but suren and kailing didn’t join us…. anyway, the show was pretty crap… i couldn’t sit still and I was kinda bored… lol… strangely bu was pretty freaked… maybe hanging around the kids so much has made her…. erm…… hee… nvm… love u bu!! So yah, the movie was really short too… It started at 11.30pm and ended at like 12.45am or something… and we paid $9.50 for that thing!!!! Well, actually gim paid for me… haha… haven’t paid him back. Took a cab home with gim and hariz after that…. and went to sleep!!

Thanks jie… for opening the door for me… hee… love ya!!

Now I know how much you care… don’t worry k? I’ll always get home safely… sorry I worried you… didn’t know you were that worried… but never fear, I’ll be A OK….

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Ok so I went to meet shiatz and benita today…. needed to collect something from benita… and we wanted to walk around… so we were all to meet at 5pm… which gave me plenty of time at home to study… but just before I left shiatz msg me and told me that an idiotic clueless male was going to join us… (I say that because I refuse to acknowledge him)…. y? you may ask? Because he apparently, just wants to tag along, despite being scolded and hinted not to come. So it kind of made me think…. y bother going then?? I mean I never want to see that ugly putrid face… so y put myself through something I wouldn’t like? But I decided to be nice (stupid up) and not make things hard on her… so ok I went. But, I told her that I was not going to act happy about it and it would show… plus not to expect me to acknowledge that poor excuse of a man. She said go ahead and do what I wanted… GOT THE GREEN LIGHT!!

Right, so we meet and I stand at the side… I don’t even look at the thing and just walk off. I never really had a good look at him because I refuse to look at him… I always walked in front of him and then… oh my gosh… benita hadn’t eaten so we decided to go eat… at the marina square foodcourt… we get there… benita and I are about to go order food… and he asks us like what we wanna drink… It went like

Him: What do you guys want to drink? Alicia what would you like to drink?

Me: It’s ok (not looking at him…)

Him: Huh?

Me: It’s ok…!

Him: Huh?

Shiatz: It’s ok, she don’t want.

Him: Benita what do you want to drink?

Benita answers…

Him: Alicia come on, what do you want to drink? it’s ok I buy.

Me: *Fuck… get the fucking hint you moron!* It’s fine.

He asked me again one more time and I wanted to just look at him and tell him to fucking get the hint. ‘I do not want you to buy me a drink. I can jolly well buy my own. THANK YOU.’ Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was so freaking annoying…

Even when we left, I just walked off… haha… made it a little uncomfortable for shiatz… cause come on… I’ve never treated anyone like this before… I mean, I know sa and bu haven’t seen me treat a person this way… but hey, if you refuse to smarten up and grow a backbone, then don’t expect me to smile and wave. You can tell me that it’s basic politeness to acknowledge the person and talk to him… but I could easily reply… then that’s being a hypocrite… if I was going to speak to someone or even acknowledge someone, it’d be because I want to and have no hard feelings for that person.

Yes, I know… total bitch right… anyway, I love men… I just cannot stand idiots. Especially when they are old idiots… hasn’t life taught you anything??????? Geez…. grow the hell up!!! If you’d spend some of those brain cells of yours thinking, maybe you’d realise there’s a reason why no women or girl that wants you…?!?!?! I swear… thank goodness I didn’t have to sit and have a ‘chit chat’ with him… or I’d just have shoot him till he cuts off his own balls. Haha, yes I hate him that much and shiatz knows that very well. I just can’t stand it when people treat the people I care about like that… there’s more to it actually... but yeah, it seems harmless as compared to those jerks out there who flirt and seem like they couldn’t care less about others… but the impact is just as bad and the what’s worse is that they don’t even know they are doing harm to others…
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Spent all my travelling time and free time studying for my FOM… I even did pass year papers in the train… hahaha… thank goodness for ITE… they pretty much gave me everything i need… which makes studying for FOM a lot easier… I can answer 90% of the Qs in the pass yr paper…. Yay!!

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Sorry baby, made u a little uncomfortable and breathless… been very tired and all myself… juggling everything at once… you should try and settle everything soon… deciding what it is that u want… cause u ain’t feeling well the last few days… it’s only making ur health worse… *sigh*

Maria Mena - Just Hold Me

I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if I like rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
still care

You say you see the light now
At the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn't matter
I wish I didn't give you all

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if I like rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Poor little misunderstood baby
Noone likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I think I did have good days

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken

What wld n wldn’t u do for love?

OK people come… tell me…

What would you do for love?

What you not do?

Questions, answers… nothing but questions…

What happens if one day you turn around and I’m not there anymore?

What happens if the world ends tomorrow?

What if I disappeared and you never knew why?
Or where I was?
Or if I was ok?
Or if I was even alive?

When do you know when something is worth sacrificing for?

What is there to be afraid off?

What is worth a second chance?

When is enough, enough?

Which is worse, hurting someone you love?
Or looking at someone you love being hurt?

Why is it not worth fighting for?

What’s stopping you?

Do you know the pain I’m feeling everyday?

Waiting isn’t the problem… it’s the wait that hurts.

Through the looking glass you see everything but everything cannot see you. Everyone walks by, unaware of your presence. They laugh… kiss… hold hands… talk… embrace…. you are nothing…. not once do they turn and look at you. Not once do they acknowledge your presence. You scream and shout… bang on the glass… but nothing. You think if you break the glass you could join them… so you hit harder till the glass cracks… harder and harder each time… cutting your hands till pieces of glass was stuck into your skin. Finally, it breaks, you step through… standing amongst the people… but they still don’t see you… they bump into you… knock you in the arm but no acknowledgement. They walk all over you, pushing you to the ground… stepping on her hands and kicking you till you end up at the side in a corner bleeding and bruised. Behind the glass was much better… I was safe… I watched everything… I didn’t get hurt. i was safe…

exams & after-exams

1 week to exams!!!

So far school’s been boring… no school this week, thank goodness. I’m not just not use to failing anything all of a sudden…. be it CA, project or exam. It’s good thing Lindajie offered to teach me stats… cause I soooo damn need the help. There is no way I am going to take stats for another year. Surprisingly, I am actually doing pretty well for Econs… Kinda got a B and C for my last 2 CAs…. which means this coming exam, I gotta get an A or at least a B.

Phew…. I love ITE…. thanks to them I manage to do pretty well for my projects…. Only Wennie and I manage to ace the projects… haha and the 2 of us are from ITE!! Well, according to sa, the theory paper is kinda tough so getting an A for the projects is a must. Thankfully, I manage to get that.

Geez, gotta cramp for accounts… have to pass my accounts exam… no matter what. There is no way I am going to fail after 5 years of studying that damn subject. In fact, I still have no idea how the hell I flucked. Anyway, nothing I can do now about that stupid paper.

Been extra tired the last couple of weeks…

Hmmm…. bought insurance… haha…. I always thought I needed a savings plan… just in case and all. Haven’t told the family about it… but I guess now they’ll know. Money is coming out of my own savings and all. Called sa actually and asked her if the whole insurance plan was fine… it’s about $57 per month. Which is kinda good since I’m trying really hard to save back as much as possible.

Thinking that since I finish my exams in 2 weeks, I’d go work for a month before school reopened. Don’t wanna laze at home doing nothing and spending money I do not have. Franc’s been asking me if I wanted to work for months now… haha… don’t know why. I actually think I might take up his offer. Don’t worry, it’s not anything illegal… he’s working at the Fullerton…. $6 per hour… thought it was pretty good…. a lot better than my pay at BlueMax anyway. Besides, it’d be doing something different.

Also, shiatz and I were thinking of going for another Aug chalet… haha… last yr we had one and this year too. Have good time after the exams….. we were thinking of going to MOS on one night, with Benita… it’ll be their first time…. so it’ll be kinda like babysitting for me…. LOL….. bu, wanna come!? We haven’t gone clubbing in ages! Ok, yeah it’s either MOS or somewhere XiangTing (Kel’s sis) works…. haven’t decided yet. Then another BBQ…. this time… with just the right amount of food… haha…. Bu, u n kang wanna come for that too?? We’ll have some non-sugar food for kang…. hee. Well, nothing’s confirmed yet…. I’m actually waiting for daddy to come home… then maybe book the chalet by next week.

Shiatz got suspended from her work…. which I guess is pretty good in some ways… not good in one way. Good cause, her school work sucks big time, she comes home looking like the dead, is tired 90% of the time and meets the largest number of idiots all at one time therefore decreasing the IQ tremendously. I mean if you wanna know where all the idiotic backstabbing pervertic lazy lame people are, just go to that one place… apparently they all congregate at the same place…. like flocks of sheep. They seriously do not have a life…. it’s a pretty good thing she doesn’t have to go back for a month or so, it gives her time to rest. The ONLY bad thing about not going for work is that she gets no money.

*sigh* I just need a BREAK!!!!

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Ok so you know they say it’s ok to lie if it’s suppose to protect or prevent someone from getting hurt??? Well, if you keep lying because you are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings then what happens when that person finally finds out the truth?? And realises that all this time, everything you’ve said was all a lie???? Isn’t it worse? I just don’t get it when people constantly lie…. Just make up your mind already buster!!! Geez…. all that trouble…. for what?? Lying takes a lot of energy…. these people sure have a lot of energy and nothing to do.