scared….

It’s the middle of my freaking holiday….

and I have done nothing but watch Japanese Drama and movies….

well…. other than meeting up with sarah, auntie maggie, bu, liwei, andrew and chandra…. and of course spending time with dada….

But right now… my heart is skipping 3 beats…. it’s keeping me from enjoying what’s left of my holiday and my sleep….

In about 48 hours time, my exam results will be out and out murder what’s left of me…. I’m dying here…. thinking… ‘what if i fail a module… again?’…. I have 1 forward module under my belt at the moment as it is…. and if I have another?

I am on the verge of quitting… if not by the forward modules itself than by the fact that I am giving up on education as a whole…. but I know I will surely regret it in time to come if I do drop out.

I look at those who got less than a polytechnic education and the earnings they get…. *sigh*…. it ain’t enough for me to save and then move out to get my own place….

what if….

I just don’t know what to do anymore…. the feeling…. i am at lost here….

2007 is pssing by very quickly…. in less than 2 weeks, sarah will be flying off to the UK to study….

Just today…. my second sister left for AU… and in about a month’s time…. 3 weeks…. m eldest sister will be flying off to Brisbane for her AU wedding…. of which I will not be attending because of school.

Right now…. my biggest concern is…. my results on wednesday…. Da keeps telling me it’s going to be alright…. but you just know it isn’t until it is…. having this scared feeling in your stomach…. ‘what if I fail?’….. i just can’t stand it… the nagging feeling…. the feeling of defeat…. the feeling of failure…..

Human beings…. the trials…. the decisions…. the consequences….
is it a game…?
why do we have it?
what are we suppose to do with it?

we spend 6 years being innocent….
enjoy the beauty of earth and
life’s wonders
14 years gaining knowledge….
racing for a spot in society….
40 years building up what we believe to be important
gaining what we believe to be important…
at the end…
how much time do we have left to look back at our lives
and believe…. truly…
that this is how it was meant to be…